DivingBoard

It seems to me that time is moving at speeds which my body has yet to understand, this spring was no exception.  One minute I was driving back to L.A. from the holiday break, then I blink and it's June, another school year in the bag, graduations and weddings abound, the mercury rising everyday, women donning dresses in bright colors, the once green hillsides now crisp and golden and the beaches primed for sunbathing.  It is summer once again!  

Summer, however, always brings some instability and insecurity into my world.  This not-having-a-structure thing and being alone with my thoughts all the time, vis-à-vis my dissertation, terrifies me in a profound way.  So much investment into writing this thing that has become in my imagination a behemoth that cannot be tamed, has alas paralyzed me once again.  No chapters done since the last.  It feels like running through the worst marathon obstacle course ever and losing at almost every leg of the race. Dissertation: 3, Lisa: 1.  This summer also comes with some very real worries about next year, which I really don't want to get into right now.  All I can say is that it's not a good thing to be a grad student from the humanities during a time of economic crisis.

But in the spirit of making hard lemonade from sour ass lemons (stolen from the neighbor's tree of course), I am determined to make the best out of all this losingness and uncertainty.  Today, I drafted a plan to finish a chapter before summer's end.  Tomorrow, I will begin to implement that plan.  This weekend I will hang out with a friend I haven't seen in years and I will imbibe in the some spirits to lift mine a bit.  This month, I will get myself out of this funk and the first stop out of this (funky) town is the beach.  Next month, I will continue to write and read and confront this behemoth dissertation.  Then, I will take a break long enough to vacation in Belize with someone who makes me laugh until I can't hardly breathe and who takes my breath away when we kiss.  In August, I will return to teach and I am certain that I will welcome the structure that a teaching schedule offers once again.  All the while, I hope to spend more time wading in the cool Pacific waters, take longer walks while holding hands, maybe go to a flea market or two, do champagne brunches with the girls and nights out with a cocktail in my hand and music in my ears.   Yes, this summer, I resolve to do all this and maybe more.

So, at the end of the longest day of the year, on the cusp of yet another season, I hold some high hopes.  I wish you all a lovely summer solstice and an even lovelier summer.  May the drinks be cold, the sky always a brilliant blue, the music be good and loud, the kisses be sweet and the laughs plenty.

 Summer in the city...